The last few weeks have been hard. One of the hardest times that I have had in the last couple of years. There is not any single thing that has made this a hard time, but rather lots of things that have gone on. I have had lots of realizations and lots of things that have made me scared and nervous about what is going on around me and what is coming. Some of the things that I have been been fearing are the future and what it holds for me, like what job I am going to have next semester, what I am going to do in December after I graduate, where I am going to go to school next, what am I going to do with time since I won't be on leadership next semester, what is going to happen to my friendships, why friends are not going to be as close to me (at least physically) and lots more. All of these fears have driven me to rely on myself and try to plan and try to make everything for myself right. I haven't been trusting in Christ in any of these situations.
It has taken several hours of driving in the car, lots of tears, and several conversations with one of my closest friends. She is such an encouragement to me. She is one of the few people that I know can and will ask me the tough questions about life. Even though this isn't easy for me, it means a lot to me. It is hard for people to ask about things that you try to hide from everyone. The biggest challenge to me in one of our conversations was when she asked me how my walk had been and if I had been in the Word daily. I couldn't lie, I haven't been in the word daily, I haven't been focusing on my personal growth. I was really convicted by this. So I am working on this focusing on my growth and my personal walk, before I focus on all the things that seem to be coming at me.
This only skims the surface of everything that has been going on and that my friend and I talked about, but gets the point across.
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