Letting Go and Letting God - 2/11/09

So I started to write a post about how awful everything in my life seemed to be going the last few days, and then I was at 180 last night and I realized that I have a very blessed life because I am loved by a Glorious GOD!!!

The past few days have been eventful and very emotional for me. I have spent every day since last Thursday with a lot of pain in my abdomen. I am not one to go to doctors, so I was just trying to ignore it. This was clearly not the best solution. As much as I tried to ignore the pain I was in, I could not. It was affecting everything I did. I couldn't study without having to stop every few minutes to catch my breath. I felt like I had a little man living inside of me who thought it was fun to stab me every once in awhile.

The pain continued and made Saturday an interesting day. I was up early to get my hair styled and make-up done for the bridal show I was modeling in later that day. Then a bunch of us girls went to Buckhead for lunch. After this Megan and I went to the mall to get shoes for Megan's dress. Then after some time killing in Starbucks, we headed to the convention center to get dressed and ready.

The show was a ton of fun, but by the end, my insides were killing me. Meg and Ryan made me go back to my room to rest. I was really sad, because Meg and I had made plans to go to the movies that night. So I went back to my room at their request and rested. Later in the evening I get a phone call from Meg asking if I wanted to go to Regina's to spend the night. I was in a lot of pain, but decided that I would go and try to get my mind off of the pain. I should have figured that Megan would try to get me to go to the hospital that night. I became really bitter towards her when she decided to tell Regina about all of it. This sent me on an hour long plea to convince them that I didn't need to go to the hospital right then. Eventually Meg and I went to sleep, not to wake up again until Sunday morning.

Sunday was a crazy day as well. Started with church, college class, free lunch, then hanging out with Meg and Ryan at the park since it had turned out to be an amazing day with temperatures very close to 70 :-D While hanging out and studying with them, I was informed that I was going to the hospital. Again, more pleas as I attempted to keep from not going to the hospital. I managed to get Meg to say that she would call me when my bible study was over at 7.

When I got back to my room after my bible study, I was not feeling any better. I knew that I was going to have to go to the hospital that night. I have friends that care about me a lot and were not going to let me just sit there in pain and not know what was the problem. I expected a call from Meg at anytime, but I decided to call her. So I did. She asked how I was feeling and when I told her she was like so are you ready to go? I said I would be in a few minutes, so she came over and picked me up. Ryan called and met us at the hospital.

About three hours later I was finally able to leave. This was after 4-5 x-rays, a CT scan, some nasty "cocktail" that did nothing except make my tongue numb, and a lot of pressing around on my abdomen, to decide that a. It was not appendicitis, so that was good and b. they really weren't sure what was wrong, but they thought it might be my gallbladder. Oh and did I mention that I was asked like 500 times if I was pregnant or on drugs. I realize that is there job, but when the same person is taking all of the x-rays and stuff, do they really need to ask me again?

So we left the hospital and all I knew was that I was now on medicine 5 times a day and had to go have a test run if the medicine didn't help in about 5 days. So here we are.

Monday brought with it a lot of pain, a lot of remembering to take medicines, oh and my phone was stolen. Basically it was one of the worse day's of my life. I broke down in tears on more than one occasion, including twice that evening while I was hanging out with Meg. I felt like a horrible person, because I was not being very nice at all. I went home in a bad mood.

Now back to yesterday. I started the day not really a fan of the world or God for that matter. I just wanted to know why everything seemed to be going wrong in my life! I spent the day in and out of classes and complained a lot about how much pain I was in, and I am really sorry to anyone who had to listen to me. Then I went to 180. The topic dealt with love, but what really touched me was the music. Here are some of the lyrics that really spoke to me.


Mighty to Save
Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

(Chorus:)
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)

Shine Your light &
Let the whole world see
We're singing
For the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus

You're the Savior
You can move the mountains
Lord You are mighty to save
You are mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
You rose & conquered the grave
Yes You conquered the grave



Your Love is Extravagant
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Cause Your love is extravagant

Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

These opened my eyes to how silly I was being. I had no reason to blame God for what I was going through. He showed me how I needed to change how I was thinking about the situation and that I needed to stop complaining so much. I had been trying to take everything upon my own shoulders and this completely the wrong way to do things. So now I have given it to Him. I truly am Letting Go and Letting God.